Determination, grit and perseverence

Last Saturday, 19-year-old Coco Gauff defeated the number-one ranked Aryna Sabalenka to win the U.S. Open. The match was breathtaking with its display of physical agility, stamina and strategy. Coco returned shots that seemed unreachable, allowing her to win an epic 40-point rally. As I sat at home watching the match, I couldn’t help but think of the multiple moments in time and the thoughtful decisions that led up to such an incredible result. 

It takes an exceptional level of physical ability to be a world-class athlete. Determination, a drive to win and grit are also key ingredients. But what struck me most while listening to the commentary during Coco’s match was the repeated reference to her creativity and problem-solving on the court. And often, following those references was praise for Coco’s parents for letting her figure things out on her own. More than once, the commentators described how Coco’s parents learned to let go and allow their child to make decisions regarding her game and her career, even when the stakes were high.

Learning to problem solve at a high level involves inevitable experiences with failure. Experiencing failure multiple times is tough. So what is it that allows some individuals to persevere when others stop looking for the solution? What was it that allowed Coco to problem-solve the tsunami of power and skill that Sabalenka threw at her in the first set, causing her to lose 2:6?

Somewhere in Coco’s journey, she was taught to persevere by understanding that winning is preceded by losing. In fact, losing is what happens more often than not. During the on-court interview following her win, Coco said, “Thank you to the people who didn’t believe in me,” highlighting the energy and motivation she took from failure and the doubt of others. Losing, in Coco’s mind, was not a source of shame but of learning – the data point she would use to strategize her next move. 

Coco’s ability to internalize the message, “I’m not where I want to be yet,” is the epitome of the growth mindset described in the work of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. It requires an understanding that winning is not the result of being naturally gifted at something. (For this reason, we should never praise children for being “smart”.) Winning is the result of learning from failure and the ability to reflect on what went wrong, analyze the situation and try again in a new and better way. (It’s why we praise children for perseverance and determination.)

As parents, it’s hard to stand back and watch our child struggle or become frustrated. We naturally want to jump in to help, solve problems and relieve them from the discomfort they are experiencing. But in doing so, we rob them of the opportunity to grow stronger in their abilities and their belief in themselves. Unintentionally, we may even send the message that they’re incapable of problem-solving without us.

Like good coaches, we can support our children through failure from an early age (rather than rescuing them), praise the journey (rather than the win), and allow them the opportunity to sit with discomfort, learn through loss and endeavour in a new and better way. 

Dr. Leanne Foster

Principal, UTS

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