Belonging vs. Fitting In

September 7th 2023

“The opposite of belonging, is fitting in.” That is the important message I shared with students this week during our Welcome Assembly. It’s a message that comes out of the research by Dr. Brené Brown whose work on building human connection is one that has always resonated deeply with me.

As Brown points out, “fitting in” is about surveying the landscape, determining how we need to change, and forcing ourselves into a way of being or acting or thinking that denies the uniqueness of who we are. Belonging, on the other hand, is showing up as our true authentic selves and feeling safe enough within our community to be present, known and seen.

Belonging fosters creativity, physical health and emotional wellness. It allows each of us to apply ourselves more fully to the important work of learning. Freed from the emotional and cognitive baggage of trying to “fit in”, we are better able to delve deeper into intellectual exploration, think more creatively about new ideas, and innovate, ideate and motivate ourselves to achieve at a higher level. Belonging is not just a “feel good” add-on. Belonging is essential to allowing excellence to thrive.

This year we will be talking a lot about what it means to be a community that actively promotes and supports belonging for all its members. It will demand we show kindness, compassion, empathy and take brave action to support those being left out or forced to fit in. Caring deeply about the well-being of those around us is not a mark of weakness but a sign of intelligence and strength. It is an indicator that a school is truly special – one filled with remarkable people doing remarkable things in order to create a remarkable future for its students.

I will be sure to let you know how our work this year progresses. In the meantime, talk with your child about what belonging means to them and whether they feel pressures to fit in. Explore what it means as a family to celebrate your own unique story, and how acts of kindness and consideration benefit us just as much as they benefit others.

Thank you for working in partnership with me. I look forward to embarking on this journey of fostering community with each and every one of you.

Dr. Leanne Foster
Principal, UTS